


One Big, Gay, Crazy, Fucked Up, Deadly, Family

by Geritashipper123



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Agender Sybok, All the memes, Canon Jewish Character, Christmas Special, Collars, Crack, Established Relationship, Everyone is a nerd, Exhibitionism, Gaila has slept with everyone and is not ashsamed, Hanukkah, Hikaru is a horny fuck, Jim and Bones are bros, Jim and Spock have the healthiest BDSM relationship ever, Memes, Mentioned Sexual Content, Mirror Universe, More tags to be added, Multi, Non bianary Chekov, Nyota pavel and spock are besties, Pavel is so so SO done with everyone, Spock and Sybok are the best brothers ever, Spock prime is a chub chaser, Spock prime is homesick, Spock prime misses his kirk, Sybok and Tpring are basically its complicated, Sybok loves his lesbian wives, Tpring is a bro, Tpring is a lesbian demon, Trans Male Character, Trans Spock, as this fic goes, chekov hates his life honestly, everyone is a badass, hopfully its funny, loyal hoes, mentioned/implied torture, no one can keep it in their pants, nyota is a badass, offscreen transphobia, scotty uses a prosthetic and calls it automail, sex on the bridge, someone give him his husband back, spock gets kidnapped, the crew beats up santa claus in honor of christmas, they all care about one another i swear, this is probably shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-29 21:47:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8506750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geritashipper123/pseuds/Geritashipper123
Summary: Everyone thinks the mirrorverse is full of badasses right?uh, no.(or, the mirroverse texting fic you didnt know you needed)





	1. #NOESCAPEFROMTHEGAY

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MarchForOurGays](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarchForOurGays/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Fuck StarFleet The Gays Are Taking Control Of The Enterprise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7826809) by [MarchForOurGays](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarchForOurGays/pseuds/MarchForOurGays). 



> AHHHH GUYS OH MY GOD
> 
> okay so this is directly inspired by elizaschuyler0813's fic "fuck starfleet the gays are taking control of the enterprise" (which is a glorious fic you should read if you like cute spirk and laughing until your stomach hurts) and i wanted to write mirrorverse...
> 
> and here we are :3
> 
> dedicated to elizaschuyler0813, duh. (hi friendo!)
> 
> ~~
> 
> Names at this moment:
> 
> Muscleyman- Jim
> 
>  
> 
> Gaytee (later becomes honoredtobeabitch)- Spock
> 
>  
> 
> Knifelady- Nyota
> 
>  
> 
> Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch- Scotty
> 
>  
> 
> Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows- Bones
> 
>  
> 
> Iownallthebitches- Sulu
> 
>  
> 
> Smolrussiandgaymofo- Chekov

_ User  _ **_Muscleyman_ ** _ added User  _ **_Gaytee_ ** _ to the group  _ **_Fuck it_ **

 

**Gaytee:** Why the fuck are you bringing me to this shitstorm

 

**Muscleyman:** because your a wimp. I’m making you not a whimp.

 

**Gaytee:** I’m not a fucking wimp fuk you.

 

**Muscleyman:** you love me

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** Stop being gay 

 

**Gaytee:** excuse u u dont control my life

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** excuse u I am your doctor controing you idiots is my job

 

**Knifelady:** You d o n t control me

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** yes nyny <33

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** Yes dear

 

**Knifelady:** _ #myloyalhoes _

 

**Iownallthebitches:** TEACH ME YOUR WAYS

 

**Knifelady:** NO FUCK YOU YOU PSYCHO

 

**Iownallthebitches:** FINE FUCK YOU TOO 

 

**Knifelady:** PAVEL CONTROL YOUR SOCIOPATH

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** Behave

 

**Iownallthebitches:** B E T R A Y E D

 

**Gaytee:** tfw you and your psychotic master are the only sane ones

 

**Muscleyman:** _ #ilovemyloyalbitch  _

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** you two???? Sane????????? LIES

 

**Gaytee** : EXCUSE YOU HOE 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** RATHER A HOE THAN A BITCH 

 

**Gaytee:** excuse u I am honored to be a bitch 

 

_ User  _ **_Gaytee_ ** _ has changed his name to  _ **_honoredtobeabitch_ **

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** =_= Jim your bitch is being annoying

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** ur just jealous that I get more dick than you 

 

**Muscleyman:** ooooh honey if you keep talking about my dick so proudly you’re gonna have to suck me off again. 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** ;) 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** please don't send another picture of the commander sucking you off on the bridge captain…

 

**Muscleyman:** **_itreatmybitchesright.JPEG_ **

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** MY EYES!!!! MY VIRGIN EYES!!!!!

 

**Iownallthebitches:** WHERE 

 

**Knifelady:** WHERE 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** _ #WHERETHEYATCOMMIE _

 

**Iownallthebitches:** _ #WHERETHEYATCOMMIE  _

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** _ #WHERETHEYATCOMMIE  _

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** ^^^^^^^

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** HOW ARE YOU EVEN TYPING YOUR STILL SUCKING THE CAPTAIN OFF I CAN H E A R IT 

 

**Muscleyman:** I trained my bitch well. He's a quality whore. I’d let you try him out pasha but he's MINE so 

 

_ User  _ **_smolrussiandgaymofo_ ** _ has left the group  _ **_Fuck it_ **

 

_ User  _ **_Iownallthebitches_ ** _ has added  _ **_smolrussiandgaymofo_ ** _ to the group  _ **_Fuck it_ **

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** HIKARU I SWEAR TO GOD

 

**Muscleyman:** you just want to top for once

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** FUCK ALL OF YOU 

 

_ User  _ **_smolrussiandgaymofo_ ** _ has changed the group name to  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS BOAT_ **

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** EXCUSE YOU YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ONE OF THE TWO LADIES IN MY LIFE A  _ BOAT  _ DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT I DID TO THAT KLINGON? I WILL RIP YOUR ARMS OUT THIS IS NOT A BOAT THIS IS A SHIP FUCK YOU PAVEL MEET ME UNDER THE BOILER AT 2000 WE’LL SEE WHO’S ON A BOAT THEN 

 

_ User  _ **_smolrussiandgaymofo_ ** _ has changed the group name to  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** much better

 

**Iownallthebitches:** WAIT A FUCKING SECOND WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE KLINGON

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** HE CALLED MY SHIP A GARBAGE SCOW I RIPPED HIS THROAT OUT THROUGH HIS EYE SOCKET WHAT ELSE

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** jfc Scotty ur gonna start a war with the Klingons

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** your just upset I didn't bring him back to let you do tests on him 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** do you know how much we could benefit from knowing how much a Klingon can take?! SPOCK HELP ME OUT HERE YOU BEARDED HOBGOBLIN

 

**Knifelady:** he's busy. 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** JIM JUST COME SO SPOCK CAN HELP ME PROVE A POINT

 

**Knifelady:** from the sound of it, he did. Twice. They've moved on from the blow job to sex in the chair again. 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** Jfc glad I'm not on that shift 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** your sleeping in the botany lab tonight. 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** BUT HONEYBEAR 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** IM ON MY FUCKING PERIOD DON'T YOU HONEYBEAR ME LIKE YOU THINK IM GONNA FORGIVE YOU

 

**Knifelady:** hey can I steal a tampon, just chuck it across the bridge. 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** they didn't even notice… it flew right past their head… 

 

**Knifelady:** of course they didn't Spock is eating Jim’s fucking face they won't notice anything.

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** J F C CAPTAIN WHAT IF WE GOT ATTACKED RIGHT NOW 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** **_FORSHAME.JPEG_ **

 

**Muscleyman:** I can put you in the agony booth mister. 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** HOW ARE YOU MESSAGING

 

**Muscleyman:** _ #skilledmofo _

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** _ #lookatthisman #ibelongtohim #proudtobehisbitch  _

 

**Muscleyman:** _ #suchagoodbitch #goodboy #imsoproud #thissexyassmanismine  _

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** tfw you don't understand their relationship

 

**Iownallthebitches:** ^^^^ 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** if you think agreeing with me is going to get you sex your mostly wrong

 

**Iownallthebitches:** mostly?

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** will you give me ice cream? 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** can I pick the flavor? 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** fine. 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** YAY HONEYBEAR

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** DONT CALL ME HONEYBEAR YOU DICK

 

**Iownallthebitches:** yes dear. 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** I can picture you smirking

 

**Iownallthebitches:** is it sexy?

 

**Knifelady:** pls control your boner

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** ^^^^ 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** ^^^^^^

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

**Muscleyman:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

  
  


**Honoredtobeabitch:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

**Iownallthebitches:** i honestly feel so attacked rn

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** u should since we're attacking you

 

**Iownallthebitches:** weren't you busy? 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** weren't you a horny dick? 

 

**Knifelady:** apply ice to that burn Hikaru. 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** fuck. All. of. You.

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** no thanks.

 

**Iownallthebitches:** CAPTAIN HE’S BEING MOUTHY AND R U D E

 

**Muscelyman:** I’m just enjoying the show honestly. I feel like a proud father.

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** _ #daddy _

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** S T O P THIS OH MY GOD GET A FUCKING ROOM

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** nah

 

**Muscelyman:** Nah

 

**Iownallthebitches:** dont act innocent pav

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** _ #somonebeammetfoutofhere _

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** _ #sorryladdietheresnoescape #NOESCAPEFROMTHEGAY _

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** _ #NOESCAPEFROMTHEGAY _

 

**Knifelady:** _ #NOESCAPEFROMTHEGAY _

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** _ #NOESCAPEFROMTHEGAY _

 

**Muscelyman:** _ #NOESCAPEFROMTHEGAY _

 

**Iownallthebitches:** _ #NOESCAPEFROMTHEGAY _

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** _ #NOESCAPEFROMTHEGAY #TTOTT _


	2. Goddamn Romulans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEEEEEEY
> 
> thanks for the positive response to thing. I'm a little unsure about it still
> 
> If you don't particularly like it now i swear it gets better as time goes on ;)

_ You have entered the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

  
  


**Muscleyman:** EVERYONE GET THE FUCK UP 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** im up im up whats goung on?

 

**Iownallthebitches:**  Spock is using less than perfect grammer and spelling we’re all fucked

 

**Knifelady:** Even worse sulu’s right about something its ragnarok. SCOTTY COME SAVE US FROM RAGNAROK

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** I’m on gamma shift nothing is happening why are we all awake

 

**Muscleyman:** We got new orders EVERYONE UP UP UP

 

**Muscleyman:** SPOCK STOP NODDING OFF OR I WON’T LET YOU COME FOR 3 DAYS

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** IM AWAKE

 

**Iownallthebitches:** Pav is gonna kill me if I wake them up O_O

 

**Muscleyman:** I DONT CARE DONT BE A WIMP WAKE THEM UP DRINK SOME BEER AND REPORT

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** *inhuman screeching*

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** CAPTAIN I HATE YOU

 

**Muscleyman:** THAT IS INSUBORDINATION YOUR LUCKY THIS IS OFF THE RECORD NOW UP WE HAVE ROMULANS TO KILL WHOO P

 

**Knifelady:**  thats why hes so damn excited. What is it about killing romulans that you get off on?

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** He likes taking powerful people and breaking them down.

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** hence, me.

 

**Muscleyman:** WHERES BONES   
  
**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES   
  


**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES BONES BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** MCCOY GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES YOU MOTHER FUCKER

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES 

  
  


_ You have left the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

_ User  _ **_Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows_ ** _ has 27 new messages from user  _ **_Muscleyman_ **

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** BONES

 

**Muscleyman:** Doctor McCoy get your ass out of bed or I will put you in the agony booth

 

_ You have entered the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GOD DAMN SHIP_ **

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** IM AWAKE WHAT DO YOU WANT

 

**Muscleyman:** OKAY SO a romulan ship was spotted toeing the barrier between the nuetral zone near our location and we have to go murder them LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO 

 

_ You have left the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

_ You have entered the group  _ **_My bitch_ **

 

**Muscleyman:** Wake the fuck up

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** I'm literally 3 feet away from you, wide awake and performing calculations on how long it will take us to reach the romulan craft 

 

**Muscleyman:** we should break out the puffer later 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** Getting high usually leads to a ridiculous amount of sex that usually leads to me being unable to sit in my chair 

 

**Muscleyman:** questioning me? 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** no sir~

 

**Muscleyman:** I'm shocked your sitting now considering what I shoved up there earlier ;) 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** thank u???? Like, I'm flattered by this praise???? 

 

**Muscleyman:** you've been such a good boy lately sweetheart~ 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** We should fight the romulans more often. 

 

**Muscleyman:** AGREED

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** You know, I look like a romulan.

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** I'm a little shocked you haven't suggested a certain… role play involving that. A tiny ear modification and I would look exactly like one 

 

**Muscleyman:** HOLY FUCK THATS FUCKING SEXY HOLY SHIT WE ARE DOING THAT LATER

 

**Muscleyman:** your such a good slut oh my god talk later work now 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** yes sir~ 

 

**Muscleyman:** I love you ****** _ User  _ **_Muscleyman_ ** _ has recalled this message **  _

 

_ You have left the group _ **_My Bitch_ **

 

_ You have entered the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS SHIP_ **

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** THERE we killed the romulans are you happy now 

 

**Muscleyman:** YES YES YES YES YES 

 

**Knifelady:** should we be worried that our captain gets like fucking high off killing romulans

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** idk man I'm exhausted can I get drunk now 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** come to sickbay let's drink

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** FUCK yes hey can we fuck on your desk again? 

 

**Knifelady:** NOT WITHOUT ME I'm coming too 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** YAY LETS DO IT 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** I'm going the fuck back to sleep HIKARU CARRY ME 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** ;) 

 

_ User  _ **_Muscleyman_ ** _ has changed his name to  _ **_Imthefuckingbest_ **

  
  


**Imthefuckingbest:** well i’m staying on the bridge, cause I'm not weak.

 

**Iownallthebitches:** excuse u

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** W E A K you do whatever pav tells you

 

**Iownallthebitches:** EXCUSE U 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** YOU HAVE NO WILL YOU ARE W E A K 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** E X C U S E U I AM NOT W E A K UR WEAK

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** Spocky baby, escort this fine specimen to the agony booth. Let his partner sleep. 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** yes sir. 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** WAIT

 

**Iownallthebitches:** WAIT SHIT 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** WAIT WAIT I THOUGHT THIS WAS OFF THE RECORD WHY ARE THEY HERE

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** Lol get rekt

 

**Iownallthebitches:** WHAT THE FUCK WAIT

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** haha good luck. I'm going to sleep no one bug me or I swear heads will roll

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** night pasha

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** night Spocky

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** Spocky?

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** unfortunately, spocky. 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** WAIT A MINUTE SHIT 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** what? 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** NOTHING

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** don't you fucking lie to me what's going on

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** Spock

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** Spock you whore answer me 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** … where's your collar 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** please don't punish me I'm sorry in my rush earlier I must have forgotten it

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** now now, rules must be upheld. And when you break one of my rules? 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** there's a punishment…

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** you've been a bad boy 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** I'm sorry… how can I make you forgive me? 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** go to our quarters, get yourself nice and pretty like I know you know how. The cuffs, the blindfold, the ring, a plug. Everything. 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** yes sir. 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** oh my god I put my PADD down for a GODDAMN minute to get fucked by a Scotsman and I now need brain bleach.

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** and your life is now better for it ;) you can thank me later

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** oh my fucking god Scotty where did you put the beer we're going in for another round.

 

**Knifelady:** Agreed 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** as my lovelies wish. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** god damn I love my life 

  
  
  



	3. #pussypact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nyota, Spock, and Pavel remember their pact of sisterhood, and Jim and Spock have a moment of reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello hello IM BACK
> 
> I had a ton of fun with this baby, and there may be a special suprise and some new characters in the future

_You have entered the group_ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** WAIT WAIT WAIT

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** ARE WE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT SPOCK WEARS A GODDAMN COLLAR

 

 **Knifelady:** SHIT U RIGHT THAT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD

 

 _User_ **_Honoredtobeabitch_ ** _has left the group_ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** OH MY GOD SOMEONE ADD HIM BACK

 

 _User_ **_Iownallthebitches_ ** _has added user_ **_Honoredtobeabitch_ ** _to the group_ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

 _User_ **_Honoredtobeabitch_ ** _has left the group_ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

 **Knifelady:** OH MY GOD

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS WITH OR WITHOUT THE HOBGOBLIN

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** _#getbackthebitch2265_

 

 **Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** ^^^^^^

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** wait didn't Hikaru just get out of the agony booth

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** yeah he's just kinda laying here but wERE FREAKING OUT

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** jfc tfw you go offline to converse with the admiralty for 10 fucking minutes and everyone's chasing after your bitch…

 

 **Knifelady:** SPILL SPILL SPILL

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** what's there to spill he wears a collar

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** consensually?

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** wHO TF DO YOU THINK I AM YES CONSENSUALLY

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** ITS IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION I HAVE TO ASK

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO HIM I CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT HIM FOR THAT

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** WAIT WAIT SHIT I CANT RECALL THAT FUCK FUCK FUCK

 

 **Knifelady:** SCREENSHOTTED

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** AND SENT

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** WHAT

 

 _You have left the group_ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

 _You have entered the group_ **_Lady, Man, Inbetween_ **

 

 **Knifelady:** **_BBYHECARES.JPEG_ **

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** SPOCKY YOU WEAR A COLLAR?! YOU KNOW HE CARES ABOUT YOU NOW SO SPILL

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** yes I wear a collar because I like to but ITS EMBARASSING SO DONT TELL THE OTHERS COME ON WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PUSSY PACT

 

 **Knifelady:** _#shituright #pussypact_

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** _#pussypact_

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** _#pussypact #illuvuguys # <333 _

 

 **Knifelady:** does he take care of u tho?

 

 **Knifelady:** cause if he isn't worthy of you I wouldn't mind becoming captain to take care of you

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** we could take him. We have the power.

 

 **Knifelady:** OMFG _#PUSSYPOWER_

 

 _User_ **_Smolrussiandgaymofo_ ** _has changed the name of the group to_ **_#PUSSYPOWER_ **

 

 **Knifelady:** ^^^^^^^^^^^

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** IM FUKCING DYING

 

 **Knifelady:** where u at anyway?

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** I went to my lab after my punishment

 

 **Honoredtoebeabitch:** I can't really sit down

 

 **Knifelady:** is that good or bad

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** very good

 

 **Knifelady:** SHIT I KINDA WANTED AN EXCUSE TO PUNCH JIMMY BOY

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** TBH you can if you wanna risk it make sure you have a good excuse

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** he's like freaking tf out in the group chat

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** u can add me back now just remember _#pussypact_

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** always Spocky

 

 _You have left the group_ **_#PUSSYPOWER_ **

 

 _You have entered the group_ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** NYOTA PAVEL WHAT IS GOING ON

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** sorry captain we don't betray.

 

 **Knifelady:** _#pussypact_

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** what the fukc

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** is that a meme now

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** _#yes #captainsorders_

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** NOW WHAT DID YOU SEND TO SPOCK

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** WHAT PART OF _#pussypact_ DO YOU NOT GET

 

 _User_ **_Knifelady_ ** _has added user_ **_Honoredtobeabitch_ ** _to the group_ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN BOAT_ **

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** SPOCK WHAT ON EARTH CONVINCED YOU TO WEAR A COLLAR

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** uh

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** The captain??????? And his dick???? Cause like????

 

 **Knifelady** : and he's back to being himself.

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** WHAT DID THEY SEND TO YOU WHATEVER IT WAS WAS A LIE

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** o...kay????

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** OH MY GOD JUST SAY YOU CARE ABOUT ONE ANOTHER FOR CHRISTS SAKE

 

 **Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** _#PLEASE_

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** ^^^^^^^^

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** _#fuckthisshit #imout_

 

 _User_ **_Imthefuckingbest_ ** _has left the group_ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

 _User_ **_Honoredtobeabitch_ ** _has left the group_ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** OH MY GOD

 

 **Knifelady:** they probably went to have sex tbh

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** yeah prbly

 

 _You have left the group_ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

 _You have entered the group_ **_My little bitch_ **

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** so

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** so.

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** ugh FUCK I had when people ask about stuff like that

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** about feelings?

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** YEAH! Feelings are AWFUL

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** I'm a Vulcan. your preaching to the choir here.

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** I know. That's kinda why we work cause I can't deal with talking about feelings and I'm fucking horrible at this relationship bullshit and fcuk now I'm panicking.

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** hey, take a breath. It's okay.

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** I'm shaking FUCK FUCK FUCK

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** Jim breathe. Take a deep breath.

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** **_followthiscircle.GIF_ **

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** I'm trying I'm breathing I just

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** I just

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** Fuck

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** Jim listen, I know you don't like to say it. I know you don't like to talk about this. It's okay. I know you care to some degree.

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** I LOVE YOU

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** OH MY GOD I DID IT AND I DIDNG RECALL IT I FID IT IM AHAKING SO BAD RIGHT NOW

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** Spock??!?

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** I'm just finishing up my work so I can come be with you. I love you too by the way. And it's okay if we never say it all that often as long as we've said it once I'm so fucking happy

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** happy?

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** yes, happy. You make me happy with your smirk and your dick and your eyes which by the way are like blue fucking pools and SHIT I'm waxing poetic

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** whatever you say elf

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** elf?

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** my little elf ;) come on let's fuck

 

 **Honoredtobeabitch:** five minutes away ;)

  
  



	4. the brounion of the year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy and Bones almost ruin their bromance OAO WHO WILL SAVE THEM???
> 
> (hint: hes old and wrinkled and has a fabulous beard)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear im not purpousefully posting directly after eliza posts a new chapter of fuck starfleet BUT GUYS DID YOU READ THE NEW CHAPTER GUYYYYYSSSSS
> 
> Spock prime: Thebeardeddeath

_ You have entered the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

_ User  _ **_Knifelady_ ** _ has added user  _ **_Honoredtobeabitch_ ** _ to the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

_ User  _ **_Knifelady_ ** _ has added user  _ **_Imthefuckingbest_ ** _ to the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

**Knifelady:** I'm borrrreeed 

 

**Knifelady;** this is the boringest shift in the history of ever 

 

**Knifelady:** Shit 

 

**Knifelady;** …

 

**Knifelady:** ANGELICAAAAA!

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** ELIIIIIIZA! 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** AND PEGGY! THE SCHUYLER SISTERS!!! 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** WE’RE LOOKIN’ FOR A MIND AT WORK! 

 

**Knifelady:** omg thank yoouuuuuuuu ilyg

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** you three have such a weird friendship 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** _ #PUSSYPOWERMOFOS  _

 

**Knifelady:** **_yassss.JPG_ **

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** also your friendship with Jim is weird too 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** EXCUSE U HE IS NOT MY FRIEND HE IS AN ASSHOLE 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** IM NOT YOUR FRIEND D: ???? 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** FINE YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE TOO I HATE YOU 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** EX-FUCKING-SCUSE YOU 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** FINE I HATE YOU TOO THEN! 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** FINE 

 

**Knifelady:** _ #ohdearsweetlord _

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** _ #ohdearsweetlord _

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** _ #ohdearsweetlord  _

 

**Iownallthebitches:** _ #ohdearsweetlord  _

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** _ #ohdearsweetSURAK  _ pls don't do this you two 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** NO HE'S AN ASSHOLE AND I HATE HIM! HE'S A RUDE FUCK ANYWAY! 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** OH YEAH?! WELL YOU’RE AN INSANE EGOMANIAC!! 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** SHIT we need reinforcements. 

 

**Knifelady:** you mean… the big guy????

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** he's the only one Jim listens to 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** NO DONT I DONT NEED HIM 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** THEN HUG AND MAKE UP 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** NO 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** NO 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** _ #brb _

 

_ You have left the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

_ You have entered the group  _ **_#spock4emperor22KFOREVER_ **

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** DADDDDYYYYYY 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** CHILDDDDDDD WHAT IS UP MY ADOPTED SON 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** IM GOOD but Jim’s fighting with McCoy and he looks like he's about to start trembling in the chair and Bones is probably crying like a bitch in his office pls help us 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** SHIT those idiots never get better 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** the gc is rlly…. memey

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** just so u know 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** sounds like paradise ADD MEEEE 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** ;) 

 

_ You have left the group  _ **_#spock4emperor22KFOREVER_ **

 

_ You have entered the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** HELLS YEAH 

 

**Imthefuckingbest: *le gasp*** YOU DID NOT 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** YES I DID PRESENTING THE BEST VULCAN IN THE UNIVERSE

 

_ User  _ **_Honoredtobeabitch_ ** _ has added user  _ **_Thebeardeddeath_ ** _ to the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Hi daddy 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** hey bby 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** EXCUSE YOU I AM YOUR DADDY I WILL DECK YOU IF YOU SAY OTHERWISE 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** sounds hot ;) but shit u right sorry selek 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** it's okay also HI JIM IM HURT THAT UR IGNORING ME LIKE THIS 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** HI SELEK now don't lecture me 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** FUCK YES IM GOING TO KECTURE YOU YOUR BEING DUMB 

 

**Knifelady:** SELEEEEEEKKKKKK 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** NY-NY <3333333 Hello your highness 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** _ #thequeen  _

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** ^^^^^^^^^^^ 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** FUCK THIS SHIT I DONT WANT TO FORGIVE JIM 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** FORGIVE ME??! YOU STARTED IT 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** FUCK YOU 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** BOTH OF YOU QUIT IT I HAVE EMBARASSING PICTURES OF BOTH OF YOUR COUNTERPARTS STILL I CAN RUIN YOUR LIVES 

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** ***gasp** * 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows: *gasp***

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** NOW JIM WHY DID IT HURT TO SEE THAT BONES SAID YOU WRRENT HIS FRIEND 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY DID IT HURT HE WAS THE FIRST FRIEND I EVER HAD I THOUGHT HE WAS MY BRO OF COURSE IT HIRT 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** WAIT WAIT WAIT I WAS YOUR FIRST FRIEND? 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** UM YES YOU WERE FUCKING RIGHT NO ONE LIKES ME IM AN ASSHOLE BUT YOUR ASSHOLERY MATCHED MINE AND I THOUGHT WE WERE BROS IM ALL UPSET NOW AND DAMMIT SPOCK GET OVER HERE AT SIT IN MY LAP 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** yessir 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** SHIT NOW I FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE UR RIGHT I MEAN IM RUDE BUT YOU NEVER CARED AND I APPRECIATE THAT SO MUCH BRO 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** _ #bro  _

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** NOW THAT WEVE CLEARED THAT UP ARE YOU READY TO BE REJOINED IN HOLY MATCHBROMONY 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** YES 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** YES 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME AS A GUY FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE NOW DECLARE YOU BROS FOR LIFE YOU MAY BROHUG 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** BUT WERE ON SHIFT 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** I DONT CARE BROHUG ME DUDE 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** _ #BRO  _

 

**Knifelady:** im crying this was the sweetest brounion i have ever seen 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** _ #dafuqamisupposedtodowiththisweddingdressnow  _

 

**Knifelady:** you can wear it to our wedding Scotty ;) 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch: *SQUEEEEEE***

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** FUCK this reminds me of home I hate to leave 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** DADDY CAN HE STAY 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** STAYYYYYYYYYY PLS 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** :DDDDDD 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** **_HAPPYVULCAN.JPG_ **

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** _ #father  _

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** UGH Jim would have loved you all like seriously 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** I miss MY daddy ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** WHY MUST WE KEEP TALKING ABOUT DADDYS

 

**Iownallthebitches:** I dunno.

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** … fuck it hikaruuuuuuuuu come backkkkkk 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** _ #GOTTABLAST  _

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** some things never change… 

 


	5. PRAISE BE TO SCOTTY (and kirk prime)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PRAISE THE SHIRTLESS PICTURES 
> 
> also; spock prime is a revealed chubchaser and Pavel is 1701% done(TM)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like spocky has about a thousand pictures from the prime universe and NO ONE CAN TELL ME HE DOESNT HES A N E R D
> 
> Also scotty gets love BECAUSE SCOTTYYYYYY MY LOVE
> 
> I wrote this in history class so dedicated to germany for being the topic of todays lecture

_ You have entered the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** **_SEXYSCOTSMAN.JPG_ **

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** _ #praisehim _

 

**Knifelady:** _ #praisehim  _

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** whAT ARE YOU TWO DOING. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** apparently they are worshiping an image of you shirtless without your metal arm. 

 

**Knifelady:** he calls it “automail” YOU NERD SCOTTY 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** IT SOUNDS COOLER THAN PROSTHETIC AND FMA IS MY LIFE NYOTA I WILL FIGHT YOU ON THIS

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** can you do that shirtless? and let me watch? ;) 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** bONES CONTROL YOURSELF. 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** DID YOU SEE THE PICTURE.

 

**Knifelady:** _ #allpraisehim _

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** oh O.O 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** SPOCK. 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** SHUDDUP HES HOT ur hotter BUT HES HOT. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** OKAY fine I admit that but YOU DONT GET TO LOOK. 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** … but I wanna ogle! 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** you don't get to ogle! 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** don't worry i’ll ogle enough for the both of us. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** DONT ENCOURAGE HIM YOU DONT GET TO OGLE EITHER 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** _ #urnotmydaddy #udontcontrolmylife  _

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** _ #tru _

 

**Knifelady:** let Spock ogle! 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** nO 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** WHY AM I THE OBJECT OF THIS DISCORSE 

 

**Knifelady:** because ur a beautiful gorgeous WONDERFUL human being haven't you heard <3 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** _ #shitiminlove  _

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** see that's cute

 

**Iownallthebitches:** very cute

 

**Iownallthebitches:** and SHIT SCOTTY YOU HOT 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** hotter than my Scotty. 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** WAIT SERIOUSLY

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** ehhhhhhhh kinda. MY Scotty was missing his arm and was really muscular but he was a bit thicker and hairier and obviously he was older. 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** but everyone was a bit thicker in my universe and I'm a chubchaser so I'm biased as shit. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** ur a chub chaser 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** **_fukyeaiam.JPG_ **

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** HOLY SHIT IS THAT ME 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** YEP YEP YEP LOOK AT THIS MAN THIS IS THE BEST MAN IN THE WORLD *will smith pose* 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** _ #skincleared  _

 

**Iownallthebitches:** _ #cropsrevived  _

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** _ #praisebetokirkprime  _

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** _ #praise _

 

**Knifelady:** _ #shithowdoesthatbecomeourkirk  _

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** _#shithebehot_

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** I KNOW RIGHT HOW DID I GET THAT LUCKY I MISS HIIIIIIIIM FUCK 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** where did my Spock go? 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** ///O.O/// Jim I need you to come back from the gym now. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** holy shit now? 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** IM FUCKING GAY NOW NOW NOW  

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** _ #GOTTAFUCKINGBLAST  _

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** _ #urwelcome #enjoy  _

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** Jfc what is up with people on this ship no one can control themselves 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** yeah there wasn't any control on my ship either. You're always the voice of reason pasha <3 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** :D 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** _ #MYPASHA  _

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** HIKARU 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** ur mineeeee 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** I CAN DO WHAT I WANT 

 

**Knifelady:** u two are the old married couple of the enterprise 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** NYOTA DONT SAY THAT 

 

**Knifelady:** It's tru tho 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** N Y O T A

 

**Knifelady:** ITS TRU DONT LIE 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** I just saw ur boyfriends fucking in a closet PLS STOP THEM JESUS GET A ROOM PEOPLE 

 

**Knifelady:** nah 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** NYOTA

 

**Knifelady:** wanna have a gal pal date? 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** yes plz 

 

**Knifelady:** come on over I have trashy novels and chocolate. 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** ily ny ny 

 

**Knifelady:** :*  

  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. TWO ASSHOLES AND A SPOCK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock has some old friends show up and everything is happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration struck. 
> 
> Sybok; Godofthegays
> 
> T'pring: Lesbihonesthere

_ You have entered the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** Hey Spock I need your help either one is fine. 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** ?????

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** ???????????? Us???????

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** the fuck do you need from us?????

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** oh you know what FUVKING FORGET IT YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLES.

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** don't be like that you hoe just tell us! 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** NO TAKESIES BACKSIES WHAT DO YOU NEED. 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** LEONARD HORATIO MCCOY. 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** OKAY FINE I've been talking to this guy online and he's a Vulcan and he's some sort of mind doctor and I dunno how to react to him I feel like he's flirting w/ me. 

 

**Knifelady:** *kicks in door* WHO DOES THIS BITCH THINK HE IS

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** LETS FIND OUT AND KICK HIS/HER/THEIR ASS. 

 

**Knifelady:** OUR LEONARD 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** OUR LEONARD. 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** pls calm down 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** OUR LEONARD. 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** he says he's a mind doctor? That could be, oh, JUST ABOUT ANYTHING. It's Vulcan dammit everything is about the mind

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** what's his name? Maybe I know him. 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** I just asked and apparently it’s Sybok???

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** WAIT WHAT 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** HOLY SHIT 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** um excuse me but who's Sybok pls educate us lowly humans 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** ADD HIM TO THE GC RIGHT NOW!!! NOW NOW NOW DO IT PLEASE!!!!! 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** what the hell is wrong with you. 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** I SWEAR TO GOD 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** ITS RLLY BEST TO JUST DO IT THIS IS IMPORTANT? 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** OKAY I JUST SENT HIM A MESSAGE SAYING YOU WANTED TO ADD HIM AND HE WAS JUST LIKE “wait SPOCK???” And now he's demanding SO 

 

_ User  _ **_Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows_ ** _ has added User  _ **_Godofthegays_ ** _ to the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** one of you PLEASE explain now? 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** SYBOK?!??

 

**Godofthegays:** SPOCK?!? SMALL CHILD?!?!?????!!!! 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** :DDDDD OH MY GOD SYBOK WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN YOU FUCKING LEFT YOU ASSHOLE ID SAY I HATE YOU BUT IM TOO GLQD TO SEE YOU 

 

**Godofthegays:** I HAD TO LEAVE IM SORRRYYYY 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** YOU COULDNT HAVE SENT ME A MESSAGE SAYING “hey baby bro I'm alive” OR SOMETHING I MEAN DAMN LAST TIME I SAW YOU I WAS A KID LAST TIME I SAW YOU I WAS  ***shudder*** I WAS YOUR SISTER 

 

**Godofthegays:** nah I always knew you were my brother :3 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** :DDDD

 

**Iownallthebitches:** WAIT WHAT THE FUCK 

 

**Knifelady:** YOU HAVE A BROTHER? YOU DIDNT TELL ME AND PASHA? 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** YOU DIDNT TELL /ME/!!!!!?!? THE FUCK

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** ………….. oops. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** YEAH OOPS. 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** IM SORRY IT NEVER CAME UP OKAY. 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** when Pav gets out of the agony booth their gonna kill you 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** NOOOOOO IM SORRY 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** don't worry smol one I never told my crew until my Sybok had successfully stolen our ship 

 

**Godofthegays:** wHO THE FUCK ARE YOU 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** YOU BUT GAYER 

 

**Godofthegays:** THATS IMPOSSIBLE

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** TRU TRU IM UR BROTHER FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION. 

 

**Godofthegays: *gasp*** I have another brother???  ***whisper*** do you have a dick? 

 

**Thebeardeddeath: *whisper*** yes 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch: *interrupts your whispering with my whispering*** you lucky bastards 

 

**Godofthegays:** I CANT BELIEVE YOURE IN STARFLEET I KNEW YOU WERE A GENIUS BUT UR AMAZING

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** I MISSED YOU UGH I HATE DAD FOR EXILING YOU 

 

**Godofthegays:** u and dad love one another ur both just too proud to admit it and u remind him too much of ur mom. 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** I know BUT STILL I ONLY HAD TWO FEIWNDS ON THAT DIRT BALL FROM HELL AND YOU WERE ONE OF THEM AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD WITH TT DAMMIT 

 

**Godofthegays:** wait you think t’pring is dead? 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** WHO THE HELL IS T’PRING 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** ooooooh this one I know about 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN I THINK SHES DEAD ARE YOU TELLING ME SHES NOT DEAD? 

 

_ User  _ **_Godofthegays_ ** _ has added  _ **_Lesbihonesthere_ ** _ to the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

**Godofthegays:** I PRESENT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LESIBIAN IN THE GALAXY, T’PRING! 

 

**Lesbihonesthere:** ongggg hi everyone. And thank u syboky I'm very beautiful I KNOw 

 

**Godofthegays:** I know you know I tell you all the goddamn time 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** TT?!????? 

 

**Lesbihonesthere:** sPOCK?! HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK NO WAY ONLY SPOCK CALLS ME TT SPOCK?!? 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** WHO ELSE WOULD I BE TT WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD 

 

**Lesbihonesthere:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD WHAT THE FUCK YOUR ALIVE OH MY GOD 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** I WOULD HUG YOU BUT IM ABOUT 45 LIGHTHEARS AWAY FROM YOU 

 

**Lesbihonesthere:** ITS OKAY UR BROTHER CAN HUG ME FOR YOU. HES MY ROOMIE ON NEW VUKCAN 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** AND YOU NEVER THOUGHT TO MESSGE ME I DONT KNOW WHY I MISSED YOU TWO YOUR ASSHOLES 

 

**Lesbihonesthere:** _ #butuloveusbcwereamazing  _

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** omg I just walked into our quarters 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** **_BEAMINGVULCAN.JPG_ ** IVE SEEN HIM CRY BUT IVE NEVER SEEN HIM SMILE THAT BIG AND HE KEEPS BOUNCING ON THE BEF AND FUCK HES SO CUTE 

 

**Honoredtobeabitch:** jIM NO I LOOK TERRIBLE RIGHT NOW 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL HUSH LITTLE ELF. 

 

_ User  _ **_Honoredtobeabitch_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Daddyslittleelf_ **

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** :3 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS I GET PUT IN THE AGONY BOOTH FOR TWENTY MINUTES FOR BASIC INSUBORDINATION AND THIS HAPPENS 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** HEY YOUR LUCKY IT WAS JUST TWENTY MINUTES 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** SPOXK YOU ARE A DEAD VULCAN 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** Jim I respectfully ask that you SAVE ME PLS IM GOING TO ACTUALLY DIE 

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:**... but I don't wanna

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** James Tiberius Kirk I swear to god I will sleep in the head for a god damn month 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** OKAY OKAY FINE ILL STOP PAVEL FROM KILLING YOU. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest;** DONT SLEEP IN THE SHOWER AGAIN. 

 

**Godofthegays:** wtf is their relationship 

 

**Knifelady:** Jim and Spock? 

 

**Knifelady:** no one knows. Welcome to the group. 


	7. HAPPY HOLIDAYS YOU FILTHY MOTHERFUCKING ANIMALS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the holiday season! But- oh no! Spock's... missing? Will Jim get his precious elf back in time to open presents???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno if anyones ever heard of the planned and never done star trek christmas special, but it featured Spock getting mistaken for an elf for an alien who looked like santa. It was hilarious and i suggest you look it up.
> 
> Also, I have no and shall forevermore think of mirrorverse spirk being like Harley Quinn and the Joker, only without the abuse because their totally insane XD
> 
> So yeah, this is dedicated to the queen of gotom, Harleen Quinzel.

_ You have entered the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

**Knifelady:** MERRY MOTHER FUCKING CHRISTMAS YOU FILTHY ANIMALS

 

**Godofthegays:** SPAWK HAPPY HANUKKAH 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** JIMBOOOOO HAPPY HANUKKAH TO YOU TOO 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** HEY FELLOW VULCANS WE DONT CELEBRATE HOLIDAYS WHICH IS BULL BUT YOOOO HOPE YOUR DAY ROCKS

 

**Lesbianest:** YEAH 

 

**Godofthegays:** YEAH 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** this whole conversation is so fucking pure™ what the fuck is this 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** who the fuck knows

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** so did you have fun with your little elf then Jim? ;)

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** ;)

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** where is he anyway? Nyota, do me a flavor and ask the computer where he is.

 

**Godofthegays:** you lost my BROTHER? 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** I did not LOSE him 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** he just 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** snuck off!

 

**Knifelady:** oh no.

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** oh no? wHATS OH NO

 

**Knifelady:** you have to promise not to freak out

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** WHATS OH NO.

 

**Knifelady:** … according to the computer Spock isn't on the ship.

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HES NOT ON THE FUCKING SHIP 

 

**Godofthegays:** OH GOD YOU LOST MY BROTHER 

 

**Knifelady:** YOU SAID YOU WOULDNT FREAK OUT 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** NO I DID NOT SAY THAT OF COURSE IM GONNA FREAK OUT WHERE THE FUCK IS MY LITTLE ELF 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** IS HE EVEN ALIVE WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO NOW

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** hey YOUR the captain. 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** Jim??? 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** Jim? Jim answer. 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** shitty ass balls LEONARD go to his quarters NOW make sure he's not doing something stupid 

 

_ You have left the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

_ You have entered the group  _ **_those gay Jews_ **

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** Spock

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** SPOCK

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** oh my god I swear to god if you don't answer me this goddamn instant 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** I'm gonna kill you

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** fucking shit get your ass back here 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** PLEASE COME ON I NEED YOU OAKY 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** god I can't fucking breath

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** come on. Please. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** please come back

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** your a dead Vulcan for scaring me like this on fuckinh cheistmas

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** fcuk

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** I need you to come back now 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** please 

 

_ You have left the group  _ **_those gay Jews_ **

 

_ You have entered the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

_ User  _ **_Imthefuckingbest_ ** _ has changed the group name to  _ **_PROTECT SPOCK 22KFOREVER_ **

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** ALRIGHT BITCHES LETS MOVE OUT 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** SELEK SYBOK TPRINGLE IS THERE ANY WEIRD VULCAN CRAP YOU THREE CAN DO TO FIND HIM 

 

**Godofthegays:** yurp! 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** GOOD DO IT 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** NYOTA CALL STARFLEET GET THEIR HELP 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** HIKARU PAVEL LETS GET SERACHING

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** uh…. I don't think we need to. 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** WHAT NOW

 

**Knifelady:** is that… a Santa sleigh? 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** AND IS THAT SANTA? 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** Santa doesn't exist haven't you heard 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** **_PLSEXPLAINTHISTHEN.JPG_ **

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** THE FUCK 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** GUYS OH MY GOD DONT YOU SEE IT 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** IS THAT SPOCK 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** oh my lord 

 

**Godofthegays:** IS HE IN AN ELF COSTUME

 

**Knifelady:** oh sweet Jesus Christ on a pogo stick… were being hailed by Santa captain

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** Jesus Christ we don't get paid enough for this bullshit.

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** I'm honest to god talking to Santa right now. 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** were not even gonna need the weapons though. Spock is fucking PISSED. 

 

**Godofthegays:** KILL SANTA BABY BRO

 

**Iownallthebitches:** don't joke about that he's seriously about to. 

 

**Knifelady:** oh geez. Santa tried to tell him what to do. Spock glared at him, said “I only listen to one Santa and you are  _ not _ him.” And then went back to glaring holes in Santa’s head. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** IM SO GAY FOR HIM 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** tell me you two did not

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** Of course we did do you know how sexy he is as an elf?

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** YOU DEFILED SANTA YOU KINKY FUCK 

 

**Lesbianest:** oh my GOD xD

 

**Godofthegays:** I don't think I approve of my brother's choice in men. 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** I speak from experience when I say you couldn't stop him anyway. 

 

**Godofthegays:** tru tru well as long as Spockly doesn't get hurt. 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** why must everyone butcher our name. 

 

**Knifelady:** GUYS SPOCK JUST ATTACKED SANTA 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** _ #prideisnotthewordimlookingfor _

 

**Lesbianest:** I DEMAND VIDEO FOOTAGE OR IT NEVER HAPPENED 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** **_spock.v.santa.VID_ **

 

**Godofthegays:** _ #PRIDEISNOTTHEWORDIMLOOKINGFOR _

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** GO OTHER ME GO GO GO KILL SANTA 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** THAT CRAPPY OLD BASTARD HASNT GIVEN ME WHAT I WANT FOR 80 FUCKING YEARS. 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** your very salty about Santa arent you 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** he's an asshole. 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** Jesus Christ tfw you get kidnapped by Santa cause you look like an elf and not in the fun way 

 

**Knifelady:** SPO-OCK

 

**Godofthegays:** BABY BRO

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** HOI GUYS 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:**  the party can start now B) 

 

**Lesbianest:** WE MISSED YOU BBY 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** oh your not the only ones… 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** where did the captain go? 

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** ;) 

 

_ You have left the group  _ **_FUCK EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP_ **

 

_ You have entered the group  _ **_those gay Jews_ **

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** well 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** I'm the only fucking Santa you do ANYTHING for right?

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** the only one. Come out of the gym, i’ll prove it ;) 

 

**Imthefuckingbest: . ..**

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** it's okay that you missed me you know 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** i did not 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** *raises brow* 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** … OKAY FINE LIFE FUCKING SUCKS WIYHOUT YOU HERE I LITERALLY HAD THE WORST PANIC ATTACK I HAD TO GET A SEDATIVE BECAUSE I COULDNT DEAL WITH THE THOUGHT OF YOU BEING GONE AND DAMMIT ITS CHRISTMAS AND I HATE CHRISTMAS BUT YOUR THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES ANUTHING OKAY 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** AND EMOTIONS FUCKING TERRIFY ME BUT EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU ITS HUST LIKE GODDAMN AND MY HEART GIES WILD AND I COUDLNT BREATHE WITHOUT YOU HERE AND 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** AND IM IN LOVE WITH YOU GOD DAMMIT 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** <33333333333 don't worry ashaya, I'm in love with you too. Merry Christmas. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** happy Hanukkah, beloved. 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** !!!!!!!! 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** I'm on my way to you now, I just have to write a quick report. Then i’ll be there. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** hey, what’s Selek been wanting for 80 years that he hasn't gotten from Santa anyway? Do you know? 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** you haven't guessed? 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** the one thing he’s been asking for for 80 years is his husband back, even just for one more day. He asks every year, and he never gets it. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** goddamn. 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:**  we should try and figure out how to give it to him. 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** we should

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) 
> 
> Happy holidays to whatever you celebrate!


	8. D:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOCKO NEEDS LUV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i realized that i messed up T'pring's user name and laughed at myself and then it evolved into people avenging spock and then that evovled into a very belated spock's birthday chapter.
> 
> yeah
> 
> DEDICATED TO SPOCKO MY PRECOUS BBY VULCAN I LOBVE YOU

_ You have entered the group  _ **_SAVE SPOCK 22KFOREVER_ **

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** have I mentioned how flattered I am by the name of this gc bc I am but I don't need protection 

 

**Lesbihonestly:** yes u do bby don't lie

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** wAUT A FUCKING DUCK YOUR NAME CHANGED IT WAS DIFFERENT BEFORE 

 

**Lesbihonestly:** :3 

 

**Godofthegays:** shit u rite how are you doing that? 

 

**Lesbihonestly:** _ #:3  _

 

**Godofthegays:** t’PIRNG 

 

**Lesbihonestly:** :

 

**Lesbihonestly:** 3

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** DADDY SHES SCARIBG ME

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** so wait she changed her name without the gc doing anything 

 

**Lesbihonestly:** : 3 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** OH GOD 

 

**Godofthegays:** CHILDHOOD NIGHTMARES CONFIRMED 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** TT IS A LESBIAN DEMON 

 

**Godofthegays:** AND SHES IN MY HOUSE I HAVE A LESBIAN DEMON IN MY HOUSE BEGONE 

 

_ User  _ **_Lesbihonestly_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_thelesbiandemoninthehouse_ **

 

**Godofthegays:** OH FUCK YOU 

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** lol love you Sybok

 

**Godofthegays:** I H A T E YOU 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** Jesus its just like I'm a little kid again 

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** ya except no one is bullying you for being a hybrid or being trans 

 

**Godofthegays:** WHY JS SPOCK SILENT WHAT ARENT YOU TELLING US

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** NOTHING 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE HAS SOMEONE SAID SHIT 

 

**Knifelady: *springs up from hell*** DEATH TO ANYONE WHO SAYS SHIT 

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** _ #PUSSYPACT _

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** NOTHING IS WRONG EVERYONE IS OVERREACTING SELEK HELP

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** tbh ur on your own 

 

**Daddyslittleelf;** THANK YOU FOR THAT OH SO HELPFUL MESSAGE SELEK 

 

**Godofthegays:** ME AND TT ARE BUYING TICKETS WE ARE GOUNG TO MURDER A BITCH 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** NOT UNLESS I GET TO THEM FIRST 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** IM A GROWN ASS MAN I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF 

 

**Knifelady:** IMMA NEED SOME NAMES IM GONNA GO ALL BLACK WOMAN ON THEIR ASS 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** THERE ARE NO NAMES 

 

**Godofthegays:** SCHN TGAI SPOCK 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** IT WAS JUST AN OFF HANDED COMMENT REALLY AND IM JUST A LITTLE DOWN TODAY IM FINE THERE IS NO NEED TO KILL SOMEONE 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** YOUR LITERALLY THE SWEETEST BEING IN THE FUCKED UP UNIVERSE YOU HATE HURTING ITHERS EVEN THOUGH THATS LIKE CURRENCY IN THIS FUCKING WORLD LITERALLY EVERYONE MOVES AHEAD IN LIFE BY KILLING AND WE BLOW UP PLANETS FOR A LIVING AND YOU ARE SO PURE AND WHO THE FUCK SAID SHIT 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** ……. 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** lieutenant Rhodes from the geology lab said that I can't be a guy if I have boobs. 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** Christ it's not my fault that I can't get surgery 

 

**Knifelady:** PASHA LETS GO 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** after you rough him up put him in the agony booth, then it's my turn

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** Bring him to me when ur done I’ll do my thing 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** Which thing the healing thing or like the “sawbones” thing 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** ;) 

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** Spocky bby im gonna come murder a bitch 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** pls do not all of you pls do not do this.

 

**Godofthegays:** Think of it has a bithday present 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** WAIT WHAT 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** SYBOK I FUCKING HATE YOU OH MY FUCKING GOD 

 

**Godofthegays:** YA’LL DONT KNOW SPOCKS BIRTHDAY WAS JANUARY 6 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** I'm legit gonna go die now

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** but on January 6th we were OH YOU LITTLE MOTHER FUCKER

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** I HAVENT CELEBRATED MY BIRTHDAY IN YEARS only sybok and TT ever really celebrated it

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** ur mom didn't? 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** nah. She treated me like every day was my birthday. 

 

**Godofthegays:** _ #RIPMOMMY _

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** _ #RIPMOMMY _

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** _ #RIPMOMMY  _

 

**Godofthegays:** she was like so happy to have you man, she adored you

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** yeah…….

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** are you crying?

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** nO fuck off

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** yes dear aNY WAY YOU MADE A POINT IF CELEBRATING /MY/ BIRTHDAY ON JANUARY 6TH EXPLAIN

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** um

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** SCHN TGAI SPOCK GRAYSON I SWEAR ON THE GHOST OF MY DAD 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** um

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** CHILD

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** I love you daddy 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** S P O C K

 

**Daddyslittleelf:**  You can punish me later?

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** DAMN RIGHT I WILL and you’ll get a finger

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** I DONT WANT RHODES’ FINGER besides he needs them all to get himself off since no one wants to touch that

 

**Iownallthebitches:** _ #DAYUMthatwasaBURN #andnoonewilleverknow _

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** Spoooockooooo GUESS WHO SAYS SORRY

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** God damn it people

 

_ User  _ **_Daddyslittleelf_ ** _ Has changed the name of the group to  _ **_BUNCHA CRAZY BASTARDS_ **

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** lmao truuuuuuuu

 

**Knifelady:** Sweetie are u drunk

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** nuuuuu were not

 

**Knifelady:** _ #myboysgotdrunkwithoutme #D:  _

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** _ #thiswholedayhasjustbeen #D:  _

  
  



	9. "Its complicated"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selek has his own traditions, Pasha has a scare, and TT and Sybok need to get their shit together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOoooooooo guys this took a while SORREH

_You have entered the group_ **_BUNCHA CRAZY BASTARDS_ **

  


**Daddyslittleelf:** Wait a sec SELEK I SUMMON YOU

 

 **Thebeardeddeath:** YE?

 

 **Daddyslittleelf:** Who celebrated ur birthday with you?

 

 **Thebeardeddeath:** I have traditions ***vigorous jazz hands***

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** are they by any chance left over from when your versions of all of us were alive?

 

 **Thebeardeddeath:** AHA SO SMAART LEONARD YOU GET A COOKIE

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** :D

 

 **Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** DAMMIT SYBOK WHY DIDNT WE GO OVER

 

 **Godofthegays:** YOU KEPT ME BUSY ALL DAY

 

 **Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** I KEPT YOU BUSY!????? YOUR THE ONE WHO WANTED TO BE TIED UP.

 

 **Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** DATS KINKY

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** OH MY GOD I DONT WANT TO KNOW

 

 **Daddyslittleelf:** NEITHER DO I OH MY FUCKING GOD

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** Huh. the brithers share kinks.

 

 **Daddyslittleelf:** JIM

 

 **Godofthegays:** OH MY GOD THATS WORSE THAN KINK SHAMING I DONT WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU DO TO HIM ITLL JUST PISS ME OFF

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** ;D

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** Vulcans be crazy

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** YA’LL BE KINKY

 

 **Knifelady:** Oh your no better sweetie ;3

 

 **Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** oh please your kinkier than everyone love

 

 **Knifelady:** are you talking to me or len?

 

 **Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** BOTH

 

 **Thebeardeddeath:** I think we're all really fucking kinky we should just admit it

 

 _User_ **_Daddyslittleelf_ ** _has changed the name of the chat to_ **_BUNCHA CRAZY KINKY BASTARDS_ **

 

 **Thebeardeddeath:** tank you little me

 

**Daddyslittleelf: *finger guns***

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** Wait i wanna know about the birthday traditions now

 

 **Thebeardeddeath:** Ehhhhh their pretty basic I drink some alcohol that EVERYONE INSISTED ON BUYING ME EVERY GODDAMN YEAR and then i eat some chocolate that JIM insisted on buying me every freaking year and then i cri

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** DATS SAD DMAMMIT

 

 **Godofthegays:** DAMMIT BEARDY STIOP BEING DEPRESSING

 

 **Thebeardeddeath:** IM SORRY SYBOK DID YOU JUST SAY SHIT ABOUT MY BEARD BECAUSE I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY BEARD OUT BEARDED YOUR BEARD IN MY WORLD

 

 **Godofthegays:** I GOT A BEARD IN YOUR WORLD

 

 **Daddyslittleelf:** Dont wory bro if i could i would totally outbeard you but sadly i cannot.

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** I can think of otherthings you can do that I prefer!

 

 **Daddyslittleelf:** aye aye captain ;P

 

 **Godofthegays:** oh my GOD WTF

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** Thrusters on full sybok :P

 

 **Godofthegays:** O H M Y G O D

 

 **Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** HAAAAAA go spockums you get that ass baby

 

 **Godofthegays:** TPRING NO

 

 **Godofthegays:** DONT ENCOURAGE OUR CHILD

 

 **Knifelady:** I love how without question Spock and Pasha are just everyones kids

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** MY PASHAAAAAAA

 

 **Knifelady:** Yes yes yes YOUR PASHA we KNOW leave them alone

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** why havent they come back to our quarters today anyway?

 

 **Knifelady:** because they dont wanna.

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** passhaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** PASSSSSSSSHAAAAAAaAAAAAa

 

 **Knifelady:** pls stop this

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** OH THANK GOF

 

 **Knifelady:** gof?

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** Pasha! :D

 

 **Daddyslittleelf:** why are we thanking gof?

 

 **Knifelady:** Pasha? The timer ran out does that mean…?

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** I LEGOIT HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO GET MY PERIOD

 

 **Knifelady:** You got your period?

 

 **Iownallthebitches:** YOUR PERIOD WAS LATE?!

 

 **Daddyslittleelf:** He just screeched pasha. Like. really loud. Can everyone shut up now? I’m trying to do desecrate the captains chair

 

 **Thebeardeddeath:** PFFFFFT if YOUR captain is anything like MY captain that chair is plenty desecrated buddy

 

 **Daddyslittleelf:** Tru tru

 

 **Imthefuckingbest:** Spock, less talking and more fucking.

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** HOW DO YOU TWO D O THAT

 

 **Thebeardeddeath:** They’re pros at having sex and can multitask while doing it

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** SELEK

 

 **Smolrussiandgaymofo:** PLEASE

 

 **Godofthegays:** DO N O T

 

 **Thebeardeddeath:** >:3

 

 **Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** lol u go bby.

 

 **Godofthegays:** TT ARE YOU DRUNK

 

 **Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** yee

 

 **Godofthegays:** T’ PRING

 

 **Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** Syyyyybok we should have more sex

 

 **Godofthegays:** i

 

 **Godofthegays:** no

 

 **Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** kaykay. I’ll go see someoone else four sex.

 

 **Godofthegays:** TT?

 

 **Godofthegays:** Tpring???

 

 **Godofthegays:** Urg. GTG i gotta go make sure she doesn't do something stupid.

 

 **Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** Have fun shithead.

 

 **Godofthegays:** Fuck you McCoy.

 

 **Knifelady:** Okay!

 

 **Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** Okay!

 

 **Godofthegays:** Jesus chrust.


	10. Leaflet and Bean pole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A green lady joins the fam!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I love Gaila I love her a lot  
> Dedicated to her because she can fucking wreck me

_ You have entered the group  _ **_PUSSY SKQWAD_ **

  
  


**Knifelady:** OH MY GOD   
  


**Knifelady:** SPOCK SPOCK SPOCK HOLY SHIT GET YOUR ASS UP

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** Ny? Whats going on…?

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** ny ny? Spocko?

 

**Knifelady:** SPOCK FUCK GET UP SPOCK OH MY FUCKING GOD STOP HAVING SEX GET IN HERE I HAVE NEWS

 

**Knifelady:** MOTHERFUCKER

 

_ You have left the group  _ **_PUSSY SKQWAD_ **

 

_ You have entered the group  _ **_BUNCHA CRAZY KINKY BASTARDS_ **

 

**Knifelady:** JIM STOP FUCKING SPOCK I MEED TO TALK TO HIM

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** love?

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** babe?

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** Jesus CHRIST Nyota why do I have like 60 plus messages from you

 

**Knifelady:** SPOCK GAILAS ALIVE

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** WHAT

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** WHAT

 

_ User  _ **_Knifelady_ ** _ has added  _ **_Greengodessx_ ** _ to the group  _ **_BUNCHA CRAZY KINKY BASTARDS_ **

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** HOLY SHIT LEAFLET?!

 

**Greengodessx:** BEAN SPROUT YOO NYOTA TOLD ME YOU WERE ALIVE

 

**Daddyslittleelf: *softly*** holy shit

 

**Imthefuckingbest: *loudly*** HOLY FUCKING SHIT

 

**Greengodessx:** Jimmy Kock? 

 

**Greengodessx:** pfft oh my god okay raise your hand if I had sex with you

 

**Knifelady:** _ #raiseshand _

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** _ #raiseshand _

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** _ #raiseshand _

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** _ #raiseshand _

 

**Iownallthebitches:** _ #raiseshand _

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** _ #raiseshand #butrealslowlike #likeimashamedbutimnot _

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** _ #raiseshand #withexactly0hesitation _

 

**Godofthegays:** Jesus CHIST YALL

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** _ #raiseshand _

 

**Godofthegays:** TPRING WHAT NO

 

**Greengodessx:** ooh when did I sleep with you

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** Omega Helmar? 

 

**Greengodessx:** oh i remember

 

**Greengodessx:** you were hot :p

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** lol thanks

 

**Godofthegays:** D:<<<<

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** IM DED

 

**Godofthegays:** shut your whore face spockly

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** you know what this mean right????

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** you gotta sleep with gaila bro

 

**Godofthegays:** W H Y DO YOU CARE

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** I may be a little high

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** idk

 

**Godofthegays:** Jesus Christo 

 

**Godofthegays:** ALSO SELEK SIDNT SLEEP WITH HER

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** actually I'm like super late to this party but  _ #raiseshand  _ she found me durin pon farr 

 

**Godofthegays:** NO 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** WHATS PON FARR

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** YOULL FIND OUT SO HARD ITLL BE GLORIOUS 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** SHUT IP ABOUT PON FARR 

 

**Greengodessx:** you’ll LOVE it mr kock

 

**Knifelady:** captain kock lol

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** SHHHHHHHHHHHUT UP

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** I LOVE your kock captain

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** awwwww i love yours too baby :p

 

**Greengodessx:** OOOOH WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** CLASSIFIED

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** CLASSIFIED

 

**Knifelady:** literally NOONE knows that story GAILA I WILL PAY YOU TO FIND OUT

 

**Greengodessx:** CHALLENRGE EXCEPTED

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** no

 

**Greengodessx:** bean pole

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** no

 

**Greengodessx:** BEAAAAAAAN POOOOOOOLE

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** nO

 

**Greengodessx:** I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME HUSBAND 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** U WERE NEVER MY WIFE WOMAN

 

**Greengodessx:** I KNOW THAT WAS NYOTA

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** REMIND ME AGAIN WHY YOU THINK I MARRIED SOMEONE

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** E X C U S E ME

 

**Knifelady:** calm yo tiddys boi it's an inside joke. Gaila found out about the Vulcan bonding at seven tradition a billion years ago and never stopped teasing Spock about it 

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** LOL IM UR WIFE SPOCKO

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** DO NOT HELP HER TPRINGLE 

 

**Greengodessx:** YOUR THE ONE HAAAAA I TRIED TO STEAL YOUR HUSBAND 

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** it's okay I got his bro

 

**Greengodessx:** IM IN LOVE GOD D A M N

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** YO UNLESS UR STILL IN STARFLEET U SHOULD COME TO NEW VULCAN WELL HAVE LUNCH

 

**Greengodessx:** YO

 

**Godofthegays:** fuck a duck nothing is going to be the same at my house =.=

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** have fun big bro :D


	11. WTF IS THIS GC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ITS THE MIRRORVERSE EVERYTHING IS WEIRD
> 
> (Also, sybok comes out of the closet and a proposal happens)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck bro I dont know HOW an assasin ended up in here but one did WHOOP i love my babies all of them but especially spocko and sybok and scotty MY SONS
> 
> Anyway, ENJOY! Dedicated toooooooooooooooooooooooooo sweet christ i dunno lets go with lucy lawless for no damn reason

_ You have entered the group  _ **_BUNCHA CRAZY KINKY BASTARDS_ **

 

**Greengodessx:** quick question 

 

**Greengodessx:** if tpirngle is a lesbian and Sybok is a boy

 

**Greengodessx:** is tpringle bi?

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** oh no I'm very gay Sybok doesn't have a gender

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** WAIT WHAT

 

**Godofthegays:** PRING

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** SHIT IM SORRY LIKE IM LEGIT SORRY

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** bok? 

 

**Godofthegays:** okay fine so since the last time I saw you I kinda figurex out that I'm agender?

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** CONGRATS ON FIGUREING IT OUT WELCOMW TO THE CLUB WE HAVE CAKE

 

**Godofthegays:** YO THANKS but I think SPOCKO is mad

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** WTF OF COURSE IM NOT YOUR THE BEST SIBLING IN THE UNIVERSE YOU THREW TERRAN PINEAPPLES IN PEOPLES FACES FOR ME I FUCKING LOVE YOU

 

**Godofthegays:** MY PINEAPPLE WARS WERE LEGENDARY ALSO I LOVE YOU TOO

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** wtf? 

 

**Iownallthebitches:** pineapple Wars?

 

 **Daddyslittleelf:** there was this one year where Terran pineapples were in high demand and it was also the year I first cut my hair and called myself Spock and whenever someone would a. Misgender me or b. Tease me about being a halfbreed or c. Literally ANYTHING else Sybok would throw pineapples at their heads and it was like a test year and it was also the last year Sybok was home which sucked because it got WORSE AFTER THAT UGH SCREW THE HOMEWORLD

 

**Godofthegays:** I was legit sooooo done with people being assholes and soooooo done with Vulcan decorum and shit 

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** YO I REMEMBER THAT YEAR THOSE BITCHES HATED PINEAPPLES FUCKING STONN MAN

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** OH MAN STONN HE FUCKING TRIED TO GET PINEAPPLES BANNED FROM THE WHOLE PLANET BECAUSE OF YOU SYBOK

 

**Godofthegays:** OMG I LOVE THAT IM SO PROUF ID LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY AS IN THE VULCAN SCIENCE ACADEMY

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** _ #youmeantheplacespockbitchslapped _

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** PRING

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** I just came back from a meeting and this is what I see  _ #whatislife  _ AND NOW I HAVE TO GO TO ANOTHER MEETING SPOCK SAVE ME EVERYONE ELSE GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** I think everyone is just staring at this convo why are we talking about my childhood

 

**Godofthegays:** I dunno but I DO know that dad's an asshole ;)

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** have you seen my name? Also what did he do now?

 

**Godofthegays:** you love Dad and I love Dad what's wrong with our family 

 

**Daddyslitteelf:** ALL I EVER WANTED WAS A PEACEFUL HOMELIFE NOONE LISTENS TO ME

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** IM HIGH AS A FUCKING KITE RN

 

**Godofthegays:** YO SAME

 

**Iownallthebitches:** fucking same bro

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** HIKARU YOUR ON DUTY

 

**iownallthebitches:** AND I CAN STILL FLY THIS SHIP HA

 

**Knifelady:** HELP

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** I AGREE I DONT TRYST HIM EITHER

 

**Knifelady:** NO HELP SCOTTYS FMA OBSESSION HAS REACHED NEW LEVELS

 

**Knifelady:** AND HES INFECTED LEONARD

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** SHOOSH BABE THIS SHOW IS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD I MEAN MEDICALLY ITS SHIT BUT I LIKE IT

 

**Knifelady:** N O

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** and what's more it makes Scotty really happy.

 

**Knifelady:** yeaaaaaaah there's that but still I kind of get sick of the theme song playing on repeat

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** OH FUCK NO FUCK FUCK FUCK

 

**Knifelady:** WHOA WHOA BABE ITS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** A FUCKING ASSASIN JUST BROKE INTO MY QUARTERS IM HIDING IN THE CLOSET 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** WHAT

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** OH SHIT 

 

**Knifelady:** NO NO NO NO NO NO NSO ONONONO ONO NO SPOCK CAPTAIN

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** JIMS IN A MEETING BUT IVE BEEN LOOKING TO KICK SOME ASS ALL DAY IM ON IT CALM DOWN OKAY

 

**Knifelady:** IM NOT GOING TO FUCKING CALM DOWN SPOCK OH MY GOD

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** Nyota take a deep breath okay just

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** fuck its all gonna be Oskar it has to all be okay it has to bbe fcuk

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** guys?

 

**Knifelady:** SCOTTY

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** BABEN

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** he vroke my arm. The faje one I maena 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** I'm ashakings o bad 

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** that's called adrenaline sweetheart get your ass to sickbay now 

 

**Knifelady:** SCOTTY LETS GET MARRIED

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** wHAT

 

**Knifelady:** IM SERIOUS I KNOW LEN DOESN'T WANNA GRT MARRIED AGAIN AFTER SUCKASS HOEBAG BUT I WANT TO MARRY YOU REALLY BAD FUCK LETS GET MARRIED

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** I 

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** I

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** he passed out bUT HE SCREAMED “OH MY GOD IM GETTING MARRIED” FIRST I THINK THATS A YES I WANNA BE A BRIDESMAID

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** I WANNA BE MAID OF HONOR

 

**Godofthegays:** CAN I WEAR A DRESS

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** MY BABIES ARE GETTING MARRIED AHHHHHHHHHH

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH EVERYONE TODAY CHRIST 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** JIM YOUR IN A MEETING 

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** I DONT WANNA BE IN A MEETING THO

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** THEY CAN BLOW US UP IF YOU DONT PAY ATTENTION SO FOCUS ON THE ADMIRALS UGLY FACE AND I’LL RIDE YOU LIKE HELL LATER I BELEIVE IN YOU AND YOUR ABILITY TO FOCUS

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** DID NYOTA AND SCOTTY JUST GET ENGAGED?

 

**Greengodessx:** DAYUM YOU SIT ON A SHUTTLE FOR ONE DAY AND YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND GETS ENGAGED AND YOUR EXBOYFRIEND OFFERS TO RIDE DICK WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GC

 

**Knifelady:** And, as always

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** Gaila sums up everuthing >:p


	12. The Family Name (The Jimothy Saga)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one remembers Jimothy's name and the addams family is a beautiful thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I watches the classic Addams family TV show
> 
> Morticia and Gomez are GOALS. dedicated to those two and the actors who portrayed them.

_ You have entered the group  _ **_BUNCHA CRAZY KINKY BASTARDS_ **

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** DA DA DADA

 

**Iownallthebitches: *intense snapping***

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** DA DA DADA

 

**Iownallthebitches: *INTENSE snapping***

 

**Smolrussiandgaymofo:** DA DA DADA DA DA DADA DA DA DADA

 

**Iownallthebitches: *I N T E N S E SNAPPING***

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** this is so beautiful

 

_ User  _ **_Smolrussiandgaymofo_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_WednesdayFuckingAddams_ **

 

**Knifelady:** LMFAO PASHA YAS

 

**WednesdayFuckingAddams:** BE MORTICIA 

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** DO IT

 

_ User  _ **_Knifelady_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_QueenMorticiaAddams_ **

 

**QueenMorticiaAddams:** I FEEL PRETTY

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** Your very pretty honeybear. SCOTTY DO THE THING YOU WANNA DO

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** BUT THE REAL GOMEZ AND MORTICIA ARE JIMBERLY AND SPOCKO

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** T R U BUT WHICH IS WHICH

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** Did you just call me Jimberly

 

**Thelesbiandemoninthehouse:** SHUT UP JIMOTHY THATS NOT IMPORTANT SPOCK WOULD TOTALLY BE MORTICIA

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** jimothy?????

 

**Iownallthebitches:** Spocko and Jimjam are the heads of this family and the crew soooooooo

 

**WednesdayFuckingAddams:** I’ll be pugsly and ny can be wednesday lmaooooo

 

**QueenMorticiaAddams:** LMAOOOOOOO

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** _ #jimjam???????? _

 

_ User  _ **_QueenMoticiaAddams_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Wednesdayaddams_ **

 

_ User  _ **_WednesdayFuckingAddams_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Pugslyyyyaddams_ **

 

**Greengodessx:** Jimmbory kock is totally suave enough to be gomez

 

**Godofthegays:** NO WAY my baby bro is real smooth and Jimmbory is darker

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** IM SO FUCKING

 

**Thebeardeddeath:** NOOOOO WAY JIMPOSSIBLE IS TOTALLY GOMEZ   
  


**Imthefuckingbest:** SELEK N O

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** Shut up selek your biased because you want your own Jimabella

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** SPOOOOOOCK D:

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** I have no clue, promise babe

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** IDK len I gotta agree the old man, Jimbone is totally Gomez, just look at that smile

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** SHOULD I BE JEALOUS????

 

**Fuckinghellwheresmyscotch:** IM ENGAGED TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND IDIOT

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** I give up

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** Spock you’re captain now, I’m retiring to Risa

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** that’s not funny =_=

 

**Helpmedoctorimshittingrainbows:** hmmmmmmm okay I see your point honey

 

**Wednesdayaddams:** so we’re all in agreement? JIMBERTO SPOCKLYTE YOU ARE GOMEZ AND MORTICIA REPSECTIVELY

 

**Imthefuckingbest: *flips table***

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** ITS! JIM! AND! SPOCK!!!!

 

**Daddyslittleelf:** …….. But they do have a point

 

_ User  _ **_Daddyslittleelf_ ** _ had changed their name to  _ **_QueerMorticiaAddams_ **

 

**Imthefuckingbest:** Screw it

 

_ User  _ **_Imthefuckingbest_ ** _ has changed the name of the group to  _ **_THE ADDAMS FAMILY IN SPACE_ **

 

_ User  _ **_Imthefuckingbest_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_GaymezAssams_ **

 

**Iownallthebitches: *I N T E N S E  S N A P P I N G***

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> please come visit me on tumblr www.flamingbluepanda.tumblr.com


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